Into My Anxieties and Growing Up

This upcoming winter I’m going to be taking my first vacation on my own. Granted it’s going to go see family, but it’s without my mom and dad and I’ve got to say I’m a little more than a bit nervous. It sort of feels like I’m being set free but at the same time… I’m not so sure that’s a great feeling. I’m going to say this, though I don’t think I’d ever get around to telling my parents but… I’m afraid.

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Ranting: The Dangers and Reliefs

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Sometimes everything its terrible and you just need to let off some steam and rant. Maybe to a friend or just sit in the park and scream at the ducks, I don’t know, everyone just copes in different ways. Honestly, I’m more of a writer than a talker, when I want to talk about my feelings, its just really difficult to put what I want into words, I’m just so much better at typing out and writing about how I feel. Maybe it’s just the fact that it’s less direct, that I don’t have to look at someone and think “wow are they actually listening or are they judging me while I talk?” and just let myself release my tension through the use of my fingers and keyboard.

Ranting is difficult though, finding the right person to confide in, give your secrets to. Your mind and heart are padlocked with the most crucial information and sometimes it’s hard to give the key or combination to someone, I mean there’s only one other person in the world that knows the password to my Iphone, who am I going to trust with my deepest more innermost thoughts? It’s hard, it really is.

There are two kinds of angers. Wet anger when you’re crying and sobbing and you want to be mad, but the tears keep stinging at your eyes and it’s just really gross and people tend to look down on you when your anger is wet, I don’t know why because wet anger is just as important as dry anger. Dry anger is when you’re completely done. It’s when you have no emotion on your face and you’re stoic and you’re just… Just… don’t want to deal anymore. It’s a terrible feeling, but it happens.

I feel like when it’s wet anger its easier to share because I want to rest my heart a little bit. I want to… I want to give my heart a break and let someone else help me, give me a shoulder to cry on, to express how I need comfort and assistance.

Dry angers a little different. Dry anger is a more “don’t touch me” feeling. It’s where you need to be left alone and vent for a little. You need your own personal space and just need to blow up by yourself.

But that’s okay. Everyone has wet anger and dry anger and whatever’s in the middle, because anger’s a spectrum and there’s not really just one way to tell how you’re feeling, emotions are too complex to just have one way to express ourselves.

Anger has a way to make our points of views shift as well. You make irrational decisions and tend to do things you regret. Just remember when you’re angry just kind of back away from everything, whether it be wet or dry. Back off from anything that you might regret and maybe write down whatever you want to do. Cool down, give it a couple days, and if you still want to go through with your actions, go for it, its yours to do, you have the freedom to do so. But if you think it sounds kind of dumb, it was just the anger talking.

I’m kind of babbling now, but that’s all I wanted to say.