Procrastination Destination

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I’m incredibly good at getting things done on time while also maintaining a decent GPA but also messing around until the very last possible second, but as much as I pride myself in my ability to get things done at the very last second before its due, I just want everyone to know my life may not be as glamorous as it seems, despite my charming description.

I’ve struggled with procrastination for as long as I remember, I remember being in elementary school and we’d get these weekly homework packets that my teacher would assign on Monday and¬†collect on Friday and every week without fail, instead of spreading out my homework throughout the week and spending, perhaps 15 minutes a day writing out my spelling words, I’d wait until Thursday afternoon and do the entire packet in one sitting. Habits start early, and this is a habit I have yet to grow out of, I have my doubts that I’ll ever grow out of this habit, but I mean… I guess it’s my fatal flaw. Why not.

I want to talk about… all the stress and anxiety I’ve created within myself because of my flaw. How procrastination has really molded me into the person I am today. I feel like… because of my procrastination, I’ve always had the feeling that my life wasn’t together. I spend my time asking for assignments and times and deadlines instead of actually putting my head to it and getting it done. I look through endless years of social media, avoiding my work looking myself in the eye instead of immersing myself into my projects. And what for?

Because I never have anything done, my life is never together, I think this has really caused my longterm stress and anxiety issues. Despite my outer appearance, I am always stressed out. I am always worried about something. I guess I’ve gotten really good at hiding it over the years. There is no relief when I finally turn in an assignment that is due at 11:59 PM, at 11:58. There is only more stress that I will have to do the same thing tomorrow.

There is no such thing as a finished project. There is always the fear that tomorrow is another one. And yet another one around the corner always.

And maybe I ask… why am I like this? Why do I do this to myself. Why can’t I just… get home… sit down and do what I have to.

I’m tired.

Is there something wrong with me for doing these things?

How am I going to keep doing this for the rest of my life if I’m tired of it now. I’m so tired.

I want to do better I really do, but old habits die hard.

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