Into My Anxieties and Growing Up

This upcoming winter I’m going to be taking my first vacation on my own. Granted it’s going to go see family, but it’s without my mom and dad and I’ve got to say I’m a little more than a bit nervous. It sort of feels like I’m being set free but at the same time… I’m not so sure that’s a great feeling. I’m going to say this, though I don’t think I’d ever get around to telling my parents but… I’m afraid.

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I feel… new… I feel… fresh… I feel… different… but… is this really what I feel? In some ways… it’s like I’m growing up a little bit, yeah we grow up every single day through our life experiences and blah blah blah, but… This feels a little more rushed.

Am I truly ready for this step in my life? Do I really want to go on this trip? Well it’s a little too late to back out now because I’m leaving on sunday. I just kind of want to know… what it’s going to feel like… without the constant reassurance. Reassurance that my mom and dad are going to be there with me every step of the way. A step out of my comfort zone, into something new and inspiring.

Not only am I going to be away from my parents for the first time, but I’m also worried about being away from my cat. Ten days is a long time and though he’s still going to be with my parents… this is the first time he’s going to be sleeping without, as he rests every night on my bed curled up next to me. What will he think when I’m not there. Will he miss me by his side? Will he meow until someone lets him sleep with them, as he usually does when I accidentally lock him out. Will he be okay until I return home?

I’m just so worried. there’s so many factors. Why am I scared? I have been thinking nothing but this for so long yet I’m scared. Why is there this feeling in the pit of my stomach that this is all happening too fast, i’m scared.

I’m just… Maybe I wasn’t ready for this type of thing, but then again, maybe it’s just the thing I needed to grow up. Perhaps through this endeavor I will be my own person and metamorphosize into something different something new… but all I know is that… I’m really going to miss my mom and dad.

These things I take for granted, the constant presence of my parents, and how safe they make me feel. Sometimes they even feel a bit of a drag in my step as there’s restrictions and nagging, but the idea that I’m going to be away from them for so long, am I really ready to leave their grasps? And this brings up more questions for when I leave for a more permanent establishment. What’s going to happen to me.
Perhaps I need a little reassurance… but also perhaps I need to put my anxieties and myself to rest.

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