No Longer Looking Backwards

Barbara Kruger style

I don’t like looking back to the past… the past can be painful… it can bring bad memories and just overall be unpleasant, but at the same time I don’t like to look to the future because the future is where the unknown and the stress lays. But if you can’t look to the past or the future where do you go?

I feel like the present is the most comforting place to be. Live in the moment, give yourself time to enjoy life and just… do what you gotta do. I don’t like due dates and deadlines because I feel like it gives me a limit, it strangles me and keeps me from really going where I need to go, because sometimes the given isn’t enough. Honestly, deadlines give me less motivation to work on said project, obviously I’m the type of person who procrastinates til the last second to do anything because what’s the point? I suppose it’s a bit of a pessimistic point of view, but what’s the point? Our time on earth is so short, why get all caught up with all that.

I suppose that’s why I don’t like thinking about the past either. The past holds things that happened, this that, though may be happy and positive, also can be very… tender to touch. I don’t like to look back.

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The past can hold bittersweet memories that hold sentimental value, things we can learn from, but honestly do we really learn? History repeats itself. The human race is an extremely… obtuse species. We’re constantly fighting one another and just… overall… We don’t really better ourselves.

We live too fast, we spend too much time worrying about what is going to happen next or hanging on to what has past, I just feel it’s a wasteful activity that can be used to spend in the now.

I understand that the future is important, it holds our “destiny” and “fate,” as well as the past that holds “who we are” and “where we came from.” But sometimes you need to just stop and see what is going on in front of you.

The worst part, I think, is that… all this stuff is basically impossible to escape. A second ago is the past and a second later is the future, which will eventually become your present and past, while your past was once your present and future.

Why don’t I like to look back? The person you were before is gone. I am a different person than I was 10 minutes ago, though as absurd as it seems, 10 minutes ago these words I am typing did not exist, maybe if I wrote it 30 minutes earlier, it would be an entirely different blog post.

You are a different person than you were before you read this post, you have seen into my mind, seen into my thoughts and feelings and changed, even in the slightest.

We are constantly changing and if you concentrate on the present, and maybe even the future, but in the future you will be different, and hopefully better than you were in the past, but if you focus on the present you can become better. You can better yourself.

I hate the person I used to be. It brings bad memories. It brings bad thoughts. I want to change. To focus on the now is to focus on bettering me as a person.

That is why I don’t look back, because if I look back, I may just revert to my old self. Maybe the future will be better. I’d rather not think about it. I can wait til I get there.

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One thought on “No Longer Looking Backwards

  1. I’LL FOREVER BE KNOWN AS THE FAT WEEABOO GIRL THAT PRETENDED TO KNOW JAPANESE AND SWEDISH OKAY? I think that has to be my most painful memory. I don’t enjoy thinking back either.

    Like

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